I have a migraine so I should not be typing, but alas, here I am because I also cannot sleep.
Go figure.
I got out of bed with a clear plan of what I wanted to write about, but in my migraine fog, I have since forgotten it.
What I will talk about instead, though, is doing the right thing.
So, Myrah has this time out chair that I found for her years ago that has a quote on it; it says: “Do the right thing even when no one is looking”.
The funny thing is, while I am nowhere near perfect, I do feel like I have lived by this motto to the best of my ability, so, when I encounter someone doing the wrong thing, I usually tend to take it personally.
That brings me to this past Monday. It was a rough day.
It was one of those days when you know you have to confront someone about something and no matter how hard you try to make it not a confrontation, there is really no way to avoid it.
Yeah, that is what I got to do.
Fun times.
Again, please remember the kind of person I am…I like to keep peace. I like to make people happy. I am absolutely a people pleaser to the detriment of my own mental health and wellbeing.
BUT sometimes an issue comes up that is such a big deal you simply cannot overlook the issue, and that is what I was/am dealing with.
I cannot really speak to the exact situation or where it occurred, mostly because at this time I am trying to give people the benefit of the doubt.
You see, sometimes you see someone doing something wrong, and because we live in a world that has a lot of blurred lines and gray areas, you have to consider that they may not know they are doing something wrong.
That is literally the situation I have been dealing with (and actually putting off dealing with for months because I liked the people involved and did not want to deal with it, honestly).
So, I handled the situation with words, because if I am good at anything, we all know it is using words.
Not only did I use words, I used written words (because sometimes a paper trail is necessary and because as good as I am at speaking, I am even better when I can write and rewrite).
I spent three weeks drafting a letter and writing and rewriting it just to make sure that every word was as grace filled as I could possibly get it.
I scoured the letter trying to make sure I was coming across as someone who was giving the benefit of the doubt and not accusing.
I tried my best to convey my level of respect for the recipient of the letter practically begging them to understand that I was in no way trying to attack them, but that I was actually trying to protect them because I genuinely thought perhaps, they were not as familiar with this particular area as I am because I have had several years of experience dealing with it.
And this was a lesson on the fact that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you don’t always succeed.
That doesn’t mean you fail; it just means you did not succeed.
I don’t believe I wrote words that could have been misread or misunderstood.
I was clear in saying that there was no need for defensiveness and so clear in my respect for the recipient that I mentioned that in particular four times.
I tried my very best with gentle words to be humble and even apologized for bringing the subject up, though I firmly believe (and this is after counsel with others) that I did, in fact, do the right thing.
But it was not taken well.
And friends, if you know me, you know that I have a hard time when people are upset with me.
I truly believe that we are to “live at peace with everyone [as far as it depends on me]”.
While I talk a lot, I am not a gossip.
I do not try to stir up trouble.
I try to be transparent.
So, this situation is keeping me up at night right now and all I can do is continue to recite those passages in Romans 12 to remind myself to “not repay evil for evil” and to “live in harmony with one another, do not be proud”.
What I really want to do right now is to go defend myself, even though I really have no reason to defend myself.
What I want to do is shout out to everyone who may be involved that I sought counsel before this was done and that I tried my best to use respect and grace and kindness, and I was given rudeness, bitterness and coldness in return.
And what I want to ask God is why am I the type of person that I let this keep me up at night?
Why does this even bother me?
I went out on a limb to try to help someone avoid legal trouble, and I did this after seeking counsel from several people (one of whom is a lawyer), so I did not take this lightly.
I never take confrontation lightly, actually.
But I wanted to save someone from something, and I am somehow the bad guy, and it stinks.
But realistically, why should I even care?
Seriously, why?
Why did God make me like this (lol…kinda)?
Sometimes I wish I could be one of those people who just say their piece and walk away.
Or even one of those people who could walk away without saying anything at all…even better, right?
But nope, God was like “nah, I need someone to care about all the people in all the ways and I need those people to care enough so that they make up for the ones who don’t”.
I mean, I obviously am not really putting words in God’s mouth or blaspheming or anything, but man, sometimes I seriously feel like that.
I know God made me this way for His reasons and to glorify Him, but gosh it’s hard sometimes.
Like, do I have to feel ALL THE THINGS?
So, friends, why am I bringing this to you tonight? Well, just to encourage you. Sometimes…scratch that, ALL the time, doing the right thing is harder, but we should be doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourself. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Be with God’s people who are in need and practice hospitality. Bless those who curse you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil, be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, stay at peace with everyone.
Do not take revenge my friends but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written “it is mine to avenge, I will repay” says the Lord. On the contrary, if your enemy is hungry feed him, if he’s thirsty, give him something to drink; in doing this you will heap burning coals on his head.
Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.”
Practice these things, friend.
It’s hard, trust me, I know, but it will pay off.
Do the right thing, even when no one is looking, and even at the expense of your name because those who know and respect you will care enough to ask you about it.
And if you confront someone for doing the wrong thing and you know you did it the right way, try to get sleep, it’s out of your hands.
Love
Ceci
pinnom 