HI!
Man, It’s been SO long since I wrote because writer’s block is a real thing, and I have been crazy busy.
I had two jobs for a while and continue to homeschool plus all the other things. I am down to one job now, but it’s one I absolutely love so it all works well.
ANYWAYS, that’s not what this is about…
Today is a day celebrated across the United States by most people whether or not they are religious, and even if people don’t celebrate, most places are closed so they observe some kind of down time and hopefully some great food.
BUT, days and holidays like this can also be hard and lonely for so many, including my little family.
Up until 2019, my family had mostly spent the holidays in the same place, but that has all changed.
Circumstances happened and we had to make a difficult decision to not attend family functions there anymore, and while I will never regret our decision and we have absolutely no conviction over making this decision because we know without a doubt it was right, it is still hard.
Now, don’t get me wrong, as I spend the day with my little family, I can literally think of zero things in this world I would rather be doing.
Yesterday, Noah made the mashed potatoes, Myrah made some individual chocolate pies, I made a ham and sweet potatoes, and Isaiah helped us by cleaning as we went.
Today, we finished by Scott making the chicken, he and Isaiah making the macaroni and cheese, and whatever else we had was prepped and done, and we all worked together and did it.
There was no fighting.
There were no hurt feelings.
My kids never felt uncomfortable.
I never felt like I needed to hide quietly in a corner.
We made our breakfast and ate.
We watched the parade and movies together all day long.
We cooked and ate supper while also watching movies.
Everyone helped clean up, and now they are kind of doing their own thing and all is peaceful.
It was a beautiful day and has been every year for the past three years.
Beautiful and peaceful and we are all still in good mental health after.
BUT sometimes I get sad and mourn what my kids are missing.
We have made our own traditions now and I will forever cling to them and hold my kids to them as long as they will let me lol, but I still mourn what they miss.
I mourn not because I am convicted over the decision we made to protect our family, but over the fact that our children understand and agree with our decision and because they understand, it means they know we did the right thing as well, which in turn means they know what was wrong.
Walking away from relationships is never an easy thing to do, especially when there are kids involved, but sometimes it is necessary for their health and well-being, and ours (or sometimes maybe only ours).
I mourn that they can’t be close with people we would love to be close with because of these situations.
In this mourning, we do find comfort, though, and it’s truly amazing.
It’s amazing that we can find comfort in times like these: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (MTH 11:28-30 ESV).
And earlier in Matthew, you can find Jesus saying that those who mourn will be comforted (5:4), and while we ALWAYS attribute this to a funeral mourning, it doesn’t only have to apply in that context.
Many things can be mourned, and loss of a relationship is definitely one of those things.
So, my encouragement to you during this time is this, if you have had to end relationships for the sake of your health (mental/physical/emotional/spiritual-doesn’t matter, it applies), know that you are not wrong, or alone.
I know you will hear people say things like “Jesus says to forgive” and “you’re supposed to turn the other cheek” but let me reassure you with some context.
So, yeah, you can hop over to Luke and find in chapter 17 where we are told to “forgive if your brother sins” BUT SO OFTEN the entire rest of the verse is left out. SO, let’s add that: “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and IF HE REPENTS, forgive him” (v3-emphasis added by me).
Oh, snap. IF HE REPENTS, and let’s just remember that “he” is a general pronoun here, kind of like “they”.
So, let’s talk about turning the other cheek because we all know that one is overused in abusive ways as well.
So, turn the other cheek, doesn’t that mean I have to keep turning the other cheek every time someone does me wrong?
Ha, well, sure, but not in the way you think. The writers over at GotQuestions explain it so well, here is a brief quote: “To “turn the other cheek” does not mean we place ourselves or others in danger or that we ignore injustice. When we are the objects of personal slights (“slaps on the cheek”), our first response is not to retaliate in kind.”
They go on to say: “Did someone insult you? Let him, Jesus says. Are you shocked and offended? Don’t be. And don’t return insult for insult. Turn the other cheek.”
So, to put it simply, essentially turning the other cheek is more about not seeking revenge (don’t forget: “I will repay, says the Lord”).
How many times has someone done us wrong and all we want to do is either go to them and defend ourselves then go on the offense, or go to others and defend ourselves to them?
TRUST ME, I have been there!
In my life, something awful happened, and I wanted to call everyone and let them know what happened before the other person could, and I even wanted to tell them to ask my kids (since they were unfortunate witnesses to the event), but I never did.
I stayed silent on the matter.
If someone asked, I would give some small details or say something generic regarding the situation, but I did not defend myself and I did not seek out revenge.
And it was HARD.
It still is some days.
BUT those who know me and who truly love and care about me will ask and when they hear my response (which will generally be the generic response I spoke of), I hope they will understand that I don’t feel the need to defend myself and that I don’t plan on adding to any gossip.
We have walked away from the situation, the door is closed, and that’s that.
Let’s go back to forgiveness real quick, because that is important.
Can you forgive someone and still walk away from the relationship?
The answer is yes.
Remember, you don’t have to stay in a toxic relationship (I don’t just mean a partner, I mean ANY relationship with any family member or so-called friend), for the sake of forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not mean you have to continue to allow yourself and/or your loved ones to be treated badly.
It is perfectly okay to say, “I forgive you, but I am leaving this relationship”.
Guess what, you don’t need to explain that any further, either.
Oh, they’ll want explanation, but having a long conversation may not always be in your best interest, especially in cases of dealing with an abuser.
They already know the reasons you have for leaving the relationship, they want you to engage in a conversation with them because it reopens the door to power for them.
Keep it closed.
Walk away.
And go find a great friend or loved one who will help you wipe your tears and pick yourself up, because remember, it is also okay to mourn the loss of that relationship.
Mourning does not mean you are wrong, it just means you understand that you made a huge, life altering decision and things are forever changed.
It’s scary, but it’s also okay.
So, with all that said, I am giving you hope this holiday season.
The holidays are hard for most everyone, even if you love this time of year, but take the hope I offer, please.
Take this hope and know that if you must make an impossible decision to walk away from a relationship that is causing you harm in some way, next year you will feel better.
Then the next year will feel even better.
And you will make new traditions with loved ones who you can have healthy relationships with.
You can go from hurt to healing and you truly can have a happy holiday.
And remember, if you are struggling, the Suicide and Crisis hotline is available by calling or texting 988 and you can find assistance from United Way by dialing 211.
You can also text HOME to 741741 anytime and get a live response from a trained Crisis Counselor.
Don’t suffer alone, please.
You are loved and there is hope.
You are strong.
Love
Ceci
pinnom 